{Monday Update and Reflection}

First off, guess who is back?  My smiley guy seems to be back to his old self.  THANK GOODNESS!!  I needed him back...

I am thinking Ben just had an off day or it could have been some pain from his 'diaper' area.  He had a bit of skin growing back where he had his circumcision (I had no idea this could happen!) and we had to do a bit of pulling on Saturday night which irritated the area. It is fixed now, and we have been using some ointment to help with the healing so he seems a bit happier.  Who knows?!  It could all be coinsidence. 

Luke coughed all night and woke up worse than yesterday, so off we went to the pediatrician this morning.  Diagnosis...a very nasty cold.  She gave us some steroids to help with his cough since he has some signs of stridor.  So we will do that the next 3 nights and hopefully knock this out. But he stayed home today from school and spending a lot of time watching trains.  He is in heaven because we limit so much of his television time now.  I bet he loves being sick just to be able to watch Thomas!

Lastly, a certain baby decided to start sleeping on his tummy last night.  At first, it wasn't working so well.  This is Ben squirming, crying his head off and trying to flip back over.  Which he couldn't ever quite do...

But he ended up getting the hang of it... 

He still woke up 4 times -- 11:30 pm, 1:30 am, 4:00 am, 5:45 am.  But he put himself back to sleep at 4:00.  I watched him on the monitor fuss and squirm, but after about 20 minutes he went back down.  Phew!  Small victory.  I am hoping that after a few days of getting used to sleeping on his stomach, this might help our sleeping situation. 

I also got to thinking that a huge problem with his sleeping is that he does not take a pacifier (ARGH!) and does not suck a thumb or finger.  I think he has trouble self-soothing with out something to suck.  Once he nurses, he goes back to sleep instantly, so I know it is a soothing issue more than a hunger issue.  I know many kids sleep just fine without anything, but I do think this could be part of our problem. 

I know it is going to be time to cry it out soon.  I just need to come to terms with it and prepare myself for a rough time.  We let Luke cry it out 19 nights in a row and it never worked, so I get very anxious and am just not in a hurry despite my exhaustion.  Those were the worst 19 nights ever (even more so because it didn't work!) and I just don't want a repeat.  I keep thinking I will know when it is time to do it. 

Thank you to those who offered comments and suggestions.  I needed them.  After a glass of wine and some chocolate (ha!), I started feeling more like myself last night.  I know things can be so much worse, so I am trying to keep things in perspective.  My kids are great despite a cold and waking up too much, so I am trying to count my blessings.

{Surrender}

I am holding up my white flag and surrendering.  Excuse me while I have a weak moment.

Ben, please sleep. Naps. Nighttime. Either. Both.

Luke, please get better and stop coughing up a lung and smearing your snot on all of Ben's stuff.

Bethany, please take a chill pill and turn your short fuse into a very long one.

So I guess you get the drift of what is happening around here lately.  I am tired.  Very tired.  We have had a very busy schedule lately (which I have loved), but without a lot of resting and sleeping.  So now I am irritable and impatient.  Which I really hate to be and try really hard not to be.  I had been handling the no sleep thing pretty well if I do say so myself, but the past 4 days have done me in.  We did too much.  I slept too little. 

Ben is waking up 3 to 4 times a night still and it is taking its toll.  I keep thinking that this night, it is going to be different.  But it isn't.  So I do the same thing as I usually do...go in, nurse, put back down, etc.  I know I am partly to blame.  I should let him start crying it out.  But it is hard for me.  Especially when it will wake up the 2 year old down the hall.  It is hard when you hear your friend's 2 month old is already sleeping 10 hours.  I think it is amazing for her, but I just constantly ask myself, what am I doing wrong?  It means failure in my eyes.  And I am failing pretty darn well right now.

We had a good run of the boys not being sick for a while.  But it has ended unfortunately.  Luke woke up with a cold today.  He is starting to cough pretty bad.  He is pretty whiny which means he really feels puny.  Looks like no Mothers Day Out tomorrow.  I hope he gets better and that he doesn't give it to Ben.  It still scares the bejeezus out of me to think of Ben getting sick.  It equals hospital/ICU in my mind which I know is not the case.  This is when I need that chill pill to kick in. 

For the first time ever, Ben has been fussy today.  Real fussy.  Since he started rolling, he isn't very content on just laying around that he had perfected over the past 4 months. Or maybe he is tired because he doesn't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time.  Or maybe he could be starting to teethe.  Who knows?  But I do know that I would love my smiley, chill baby back in my zombie like state.

So although we had a pretty darn good weekend with lots of friends and family outtings, I am a bit down tonight.  I would do anything for a hotel room with clean, cool sheets on a king size bed and room service for 24 hours. 

I need to recharge so I can back to being a good mom to these guys...

{Summer Is Here}

By the amount of sweating I did this past week shuffling kids, I believe summer is here.  It is going to be a hot one, but Ben is ready!

{Bulleted Update}

It is one of those days that I have a random stream of thoughts and several things I want to remember about the boys.  So here they are in bullets:

• Ben rolled over from back to belly for the first time this morning!  He had been working on it all week and was getting close.  He did it several times and looked quite proud of himself when he did it.  Here is a picture of what I found when I came back to find him (I had left him on his back).

• Luke loves jumping off his slide now.  I swear he is going to break a bone, but he loves doing it so of course I don't put up to much of a fight with him when he does it.  I tried to get a picture of it, but I cut off his head.  But now it seems even funnier.

• Whenever it is time to go to bed, Luke has to tell everyone in the house "night night".  So it is night night mama, night night daddy, night night Trudy, night night Chloe, night night Baby and then, of course, night night Thomas (the train) every night.  I am just surprised we get a night night before the train does.
   
• Ben loves giraffes.  He loves Sophie.  But he also loves this little giraffe he got from his great-grandma Eva.  And yes, that is his onesie on his head...I thought it made him look like a nun and he seemed to like it there. 

• Luke has a new girlfriend...just kidding!  But he did enjoy his friend Addison's company yesterday when we went on a train ride and fed the ducks together.  Addison is one of my best friend's daughter and they hadn't spent much time together so I was nervous how Luke was going to be around her.  So I just love that they had a ball together.  We have many more playdates ahead of us!  Here they are giving each other a hug (first girl he has hugged) and making funny faces at the camera.

• On Monday, Luke located some of the dog's poop outside in the backyard. He loves to tell us when he finds it and then we go and clean it up. But instead of doing that this time, I see him stick his little pointer finger in it 3 times and then tell me he found it.

That's it for now!

{The Stone of 2012}

Ever since I was pregnant with Ben, this family can't seem to find our way out of the doctor's office.  This time it was me.  Two words:

Kidney stone.

If you have ever had one, you know how painful they can be.  So much that usually I am doubled over in pain, convulsing on the hospital room floor begging for morphine.  It is an ordeal. This was my sixth stone since 2004. 

This time was actually my easiest one yet, thank goodness, although not without a lot of discomfort.  I didn't even go to the ER; I actually passed it on my own in the doctor's office when I was giving a urine sample.  It was small, so that was good in my book, even though it was still hard to handle.  Really, they are so painful when they are big -- way worse than childbirth without an epidural.  It is about 100 on a pain scale of 1 to 10.  The one before this was when Luke was 3 months old.  Clearly my body does not like pregnancy and prenatal vitamins and it likes to reward me with some lovely kidney and bladder pain. 

It is really hard to have a medical emergency with little ones.  You can't just leave.  We had to figure out who was going to take the kiddos all the while I am sweating, pacing and moaning.  Once I realized that the pain was getting worse, I immediately called my sister and she and Molly came racing over to watch Luke who was napping.  I really don't know what I would do if we didn't have family here to help. 

And Ben got to come with us.  The whole nursing factor creates a challenge since he doesn't take a bottle well, so we had to bring him and Chat just handled him as much as he could (thank goodness for the aquarium that was in the doctor's office that kept his attention). He eventually pooped out in the doctor's office with all the chaos...

He was snooring so loud.  And of course, he had to hold on to his favorite giraffe friend. 

The doctor ordered an ultrasound on my kidneys to determine if there are any more stones.  I find out the results today.  Here's hoping to be stone free!

{A New Addition}

Our front yard got a new addition...a swing!  Our old house never had a good tree for a swing, so we never bought one when Luke was a baby.  So this past weekend, we thought it was way overdue!  We finally got it up on Monday since the weather was gorgeous and spent some much needed time swinging...

At first, Luke had trouble sharing the swing with his brother.  Being two is clearly very challenging.  But we continously have been working with Luke on taking turns, and finally, after about 25 minutes, he decided to give Ben a turn.  We were so proud -- yay Luke!  Luke then learned to say "Ben's turn" and "Luke's turn" and we switch them in and out.  It seems to be working - phew!  Luke = a million, Parents = 1.  But even though Ben had to wait awhile at first, he seemed pretty happy once he got his turn!

{Going, Going, Gone}

I can't believe that Ben is 4 months old and is starting to try some very fun, new things.  For example, lately Ben is attempting to SIT UP!  Although he isn't mastering it quite yet, he is being very brave.

Going....

Going....

Gone!

Looks like he needs a little (okay, a lot!!) more practice!

{Fire Station Fun!}

This morning we headed with our neighborhood mom's group to the local fire station!  Luke brought a cherry pie to give the fire men to say a big "thank you!" for all they do for our neighborhood.  The kids got to climb all over a fire truck and an ambulence and even got to hold the fire hose.  Luke had a blast!  Just look....

Okay, I will be honest...this picture is a bit deceiving.  He did have a lot of fun, especially when his best buddy Cooper showed up and they ran around like crazy, but he had a few bad moments.  He pushed several kids while we were there.  He would walk up to them and either box them out (his signature move) or push with his hand. 

Ugh. 

Luke had been doing so much better recently in regards to tantrums and pushing, but we had a little set back today.  He woke up in a funk and it just continued on into the fire station tour.  BUT, he did recover and end up having a fun time after a time-out.  I guess that what this age is all about -- being able to move forward even though times get a bit hard and try to learn from mistakes. 

Afterwards we went with our friends to eat lunch and the boys played and played while we got to eat and enjoy our friends.  The weather is incredible today and the patio with good food and friends is just what we needed!

{Hide and Seek}

This is Luke's new hiding place -- under the pillows on Chat's and my bed.  However, he screams "maaaaaamaaaaa!" whenever he gets there and giggles like a little school girl.  He thinks it is hysterical!  Guess we need to go over the point of 'hide and seek' at some point.  But for now, we just laugh along with him!!

{Ben at 4 Months}

I can't believe it...Ben is 4 months old!

We had his 4 month appointment today with the pediatrician and he is doing well!  He is beyond huge, but I already knew that without them weighing and measuring him.  My back and arms can tell you he is a big guy for sure!  He is 21 pounds and 2.3 ounces (100%) and 26.75" long (95%).  He is following in his brother's footsteps by being 'large and in charge', although he is a bit bigger than Luke at this point (here are Luke's stats at this age).  But we all know Ben will eventually start moving and shaking and thin out just like Luke.

Ben has the best personality.  He just smiles and grins all day long.  He is your typical second child.  He only cries when he is tired or hungry.  I literally just have to glance at him and he always meets me with the sweetest smile.  He has been the greatest joy to me.

Nursing is still going well.  He eats about 5 times a day (not including the random night feedings).  He is doing better with the bottle.  Ben will eat from a bottle (from someone else) if he is hungry.  If he is not hungry and needs to comfort nurse (which doesn't happen too often but sometimes he needs it), watch out!  The boy gets mad.  MAD! 

Ben still will not take a pacifier.  Much to my dismay.

I fed him oatmeal for the first time this weekend.  He seemed to enjoy it!  Although I am not quite sure he actually swallowed all that much.  But the whole experience was pretty uneventful and overall pleasant, which was very different from his brother (see here).  I need to get the old highchair out and then we will start doing this regularly once a day.

Sleeping is a work in progress.  Or not actually.  We make some progress and then he starts to regress.  He is still sleeping on his back, but no longer swaddled!  He goes to be around 8 or 8:30 every night and sleeps till 7:00 or so in the morning.  He will wake up one to four times a night.  It can be pretty brutal.  He doesn't nap well either.  He takes cat naps all day because he can't sleep past 30 or 45 minutes without waking up.  So he should be on 3 naps a day -- 2 longer naps and then maybe a cat nap in late afternoon.  What he is doing is 4 naps -- 30/45 minutes throughout the day.  I feel bad because I think he needs more, but we are just going to continue to work on it. 

He has found his voice and loves to coo, gurgle and talk.  He is now even starting to spit and blow bubbles.

He is definitely a kicker and loves to swing his arms around.  He reaches for toys and holds on to them.  He loves to put his hands and toys in his mouth as well.  He has rolled from stomach to back a few times, but not regularly.  When he thinks about it too much, he gets stuck.  I call him my "beached whale" because I see he struggles getting that big body over.

He is starting to sit up with support.  He kinda slumps over if not helped, but he definitely likes to be upright.  He loves to stand with you holding his waist or hands. 

The best thing about this stage is what I am seeing develop between the boys.  Ben is in awe of Luke and LOVES watching him!  The minute he gets to watch Luke, a huge smile goes across his face and he is glued to him.  He will start making all sorts of noises in which Luke notices, so then Luke does more of what he does, making Ben smile even more.  Luke is really starting to enjoy it as wll!  It is times like this that I realize the importance of siblings.  It is absolutely wonderful.

Overall Ben is doing well and reaching all the milestones for his age.  I just love this big guy and how his relationship with his brother is blooming.  Back with more milestones at 6 months!

{Blue Eyed Boy}

It is very strange to have a baby with blue eyes.  Neither Chat or I (or anyone in my family for that matter) has blue eyes.  So I am always surprised every day when I stare into Ben's eyes and they are still blue.  By this time Luke's eyes had already changed to Chat's deep, dark brown.  They are beautiful on Luke.  But for some reason, Ben's are taking a little longer to change.  I don't think he will have blue eyes forever...I am thinking he will have my hazel eyes.  I kind of already feel like they are starting to head that direction.  So I had to snap a few pictures before they did.  I know he will be cute with whatever color they turn out to be, but I do love the blue eyes for pictures.  So here is my blue eyed boy!

 

{My First Flower}

Yesterday, Chat and Luke were playing out in the front yard.  Luke came inside with his first 'present' for me...

He brought me a flower from our magnolia tree.  It was a sweet moment for us.  I think he was proud of himself by the look on his face.  But in typical two-year-old fashion, the moment lasted only for a few seconds.  But I will remember those few seconds forever.  Sweet boy.

{Nap Boy, Nap!}

I am in that awkward stage with Ben.  The 'not napping more than 30 minutes in his crib' stage.  I remember this all too well with Luke.  The only way I can get Ben to fall asleep for a nap is usually by nursing him or by motion (meaning on-the-go in the car).  Then if I actually get him in his crib for a nap, he only sleeps 30 to 45 minutes.  I have to either drive him around (which I can only do if Chat is home because usually this is during Luke's nap), nurse him more or PRAY VERY HARD that he will go back to sleep if I rock him.

Evidence...

See my foot?  I have been rocking him for the past 47 minutes.  Whenever I stop, he starts stirring and will wake up.

So if I want him to actually nap for more than 30 minutes, this is my lot.  To get him to nap at least 2 hours, we typically do a combo of crib, car seat, swing and my chest. 

Oh the infant stage. 

But I do believe that if he naps better during the day, he does sleep better at night.  So here I am sweating (not sure why -- it is only my foot rocking back and forth -- am I that out of shape??), doing computer stuff and getting my boy to nap.

And I don't mind doing it.  If it helps him sleep.

{Cousin Love}

These two are getting cuter and cuter together!  They will look and laugh and "talk" to each other.  It is absolutely ADORABLE!  I can't wait to see how their friendship builds over the years.  I am starting to really understand how lucky I am to share having a little one with my sister. 

Molly is one cute cookie.  But Ben seems a bit unsure of all the kisses he is getting...

{Monday Funday?}

Monday Funday?  Not exactly. Well, at least not at first.  This smiley guy has decided he is going to wake up 5 times a night....

It is getting to be pretty rough and I am just not quite sure how to fix this problem. I can't believe I actually got a worse sleeper than Luke!  When I found out I was pregnant with Ben, I first prayed for a healthy baby and then secondly I prayed for a sleeper since I was so traumatized by Luke's first year of not sleeping.  Hmmmm...clearly God had something else in mind.  Sigh.  I really hope this gets better.   

Even with the lack of sleep, the day got better.  Ben is one happy kiddo and I just can't really have a bad day with him even if he is taken me prisoner in his no-sleep protest.  Once I was up, Chat and I took Ben and went to lunch at a new restaurant (where I chugged enough caffeinated coke to keep a rhino awake) while Luke was at school.  Once we got home, this guy was ready to be picked up...

I had to post this picture.  I have mentioned several times how dirty boys are.  Well at least I can say my boy is!  By the end of the day Luke is just filthy.  Even though our bathtub quickly becomes disguisting, I just love it!  He has so much fun playing outside and getting sweaty and I love watching it. 

I will say Luke has turned the corner in the last week.  For about 3 or 4 weeks, he was a real handful.  He was having meltdown after meltdown and the tantrums were overwhelming for me.  But the past week has marked a bit of change.  Luke is has seemed to mellow a bit and control his emotions much better.  He is back to his old, sweet self with just having a few terrible two moments here and there - which I can handle.  I just hope this lasts! 

Both boys are in bed right now which is my cue to get my tail into bed myself so I can atleast get a couple hours of sleep before Ben starts to wake.  Here's to a restful night!

{Happy Easter}

Happy Easter!  We tried to get a picture of all the kiddos in their matching Easter outfits, but it was pretty much impossible.  Let's just say that Luke is not really into taking posed pictures right now and with the other two so little and not really able to sit up, it was a disaster.  But a pretty funny disaster.  This was our attempt!

So we decided to focus on the two little ones in hopes we could get a good picture.  Ummmm, we finally got it, but not before a few elbows to the face and an eaten arm.  Here is a series of pictures trying to get a good picture of our little eggs Ben and Molly!

We had a great day celebrating Easter!  Luke loved all three of the egg hunts he got to do today, but mostly because of the candy.  Every picture I have of him, he had his mouth full of jelly beans...

Luke and Molly hung out on the side lines as Luke hunted eggs...

All in all, a wonderful Easter Sunday!  The boys turned in early and I hope to do the same...