{Anxiety}

I have had some major anxiety lately.  I am supposed to go out of town this Saturday night with no children.  First let me say WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am going to Austin for just one night for some time away with some great friends.  I CANNOT WAIT!!!

Okay, now onto the anxiety. 

First, I need to make sure I can pump enough milk for Ben for my time away.  This would be very easy since I have plenty of supply, but I have this enzyme problem that doesn't allow me to freeze my milk.  It has to be somewhat fresh -- within about two or three days.  So I have to pump enough on Thursday and Friday to last Ben for my time away.  And just in case you were wondering, Ben still refuses formula.  {I know he would drink it if he got hungry enough, but I worry about the people watching him and what kind of state he would be in for them.}

Second, Ben is still waking up a lot and Luke is now getting out of his bed in the middle of the night.  It isn't out of defiance because we put him right back in and it is no problem, rather I think Luke just wakes up and doesn't know what to do so he gets out and looks for us.  Anyhoo, it is making for some loooooong nights and some major anxiety for me to leave when the boys are so challenging at night.  I know Chat can handle it, but it is hard for me to leave when I have been doing this night after night for almost 10 months.

This boy and I have a real bond...

But this leads me to sleep training.  I started it again two nights ago hoping that Ben can make it through the night or just wake up once which will help Chat handle the night.  It is so hard, but it is sooooo needed right now.  He needs to be getting better night sleeps as well.  We all do.  I just hate sleep training.  Lets hope it sticks this time.

I know I am only going to be gone for 24 hours, but I feel like it is such an ordeal.  However, I do think it is worth it.  I think it is good for all of us to have a little time apart.  Ben needs to know he can rely on his daddy.  I need some girl talk, lots of wine and a night to sleep where I know I won't be woken in a couple of hours.  It has been a long 10 months of that. 

I know these boys will be fine and that I can't be the martyr forever.  It is time to get these boys sleeping or at least me a night away so I can handle a few more weeks/months of sleepless nights. 

If you hear about some mom in Austin going wild, it will probably be me.  Oh who am I kidding?  If you hear about some mom who falls asleep in her dinner plate that night, THAT will be me :).