{Trudy}

Spring Break was a bit rough for us this year. We had planned to go to Galveston for a few days, but canceled our trip because Trudy got sick. The Friday before spring break started she started having seizures. It was only one every few days and she seemed to be okay. We immediately took her to the vet once we knew she was having them, but all the tests came back normal. So we just crossed our fingers and said some prayers that this was not going to progress quickly. We did put her on prednisone in hopes that if anything was inflamed or swelling that was causing them, it would help.

Sadly that wasn't the case. By last Friday night, Trudy started having them every few hours. Chat and I stayed up with her all night and watched her and tried to calm her. We almost took her to the emergency vet hospital in the middle of the night, but we knew where this was going, and we wanted to be at our own vet to say our goodbyes. By morning, her vet agreed that it was time to put her down. She was suffering and we were losing "her". She had a glassy look in her eye and was pacing for hours..it just wasn't her. The boys saw one of her seizures and it scared them. We knew they would just keep coming and the suffering would get worse.

The last picture I took of Trudy the morning she passed.

Chat's mom came and watched the boys so we could take her. We talked to her and comforted her while we drove and while we waited for the vet. She came to a bit and we actually got to spend some sweet time with her. We were so scared she would have another seizure though that we didn't want to wait too long. It was horrible to say goodbye but we know we had no choice.

The rest of the day was so hard. It was pouring outside and so we stayed at home and spent time with just us. I cried pretty much all day. Between the loss, the lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones, I really, really struggled. And continue to. We know it was the right thing to do, but it was so sudden and the loss is so apparent. We feel like our family is incomplete at the moment. I am hoping time will help heal that void.

The boys have done well. Ben is pretty much oblivious -- it is very out-of-sight-out-of-mind for him. Luke took it harder. We tried to explain it the best we could. We did tell him Trudy died and is in heaven. He cried some and still talks about her days later. He has told lots of his friends that his dog went to heaven. He also has requested we hang her picture up (Chat got me a drawing of her for a present years ago). But they are doing okay and that is the best I could hope for.

I am glad we have about a month before the baby comes. I don't know if I could handle all the change right now. The emptiness I feel is very real and I don't want to cloud a beautiful beginning with a new baby. So for now, I think of her and try to forget her last twelve hours or so which are continuing to haunt me. I say lots of prayers. Chat and I spend time each day talking about her. Slowly I know we will find a new normal without her. But I miss her with all my heart.