Luke has recently been pushing kids in class. I call him "Jaws" since he seems to circle the room and find a target and go in for the kill. He runs up next to them and pushes his body into them until they fall down. Today he actually pinned another boy up against the wall. He typically finds someone smaller than him which is not hard to do since he seems to be one of the biggest in the class. Today was no exception and after three time-outs, I realized that it wasn't working so we left.
Except I felt worse after we left.
He seemed oblivious that we left because of his wrong behavior. I was embarassed how I behaved too -- think mad mommy grabbing child aggressively by arm and dragging him out the door. Yes...that was me. And I had an infant in tow in one arm (hence only being able to grab him with my one free arm) so it looked even more chaotic and out of control. I could just imagine the looks I got as I blew past the others moms. Either relief that the class bully was leaving or judgemental because I could not control my kid and discipline him with grace.
I was so mad. I am still mad.
I am sad too. Luke has always been sweet to other kids so I am not sure the turn of events. He doesn't seem to have any issues when he goes to Mothers Day Out, so I am not sure why this music class is a trigger for his bully behavior. I am sad for what was a good time that we used to share turn into an ugly mess where I am not proud of either one of us.
I just feel defeated.
I am embarassed to even admit to all this, but I want to remember the good and the bad times of motherhood. And today was a bad time. I guess I need to remember this little boy in the picture below versus the one I saw this morning...
3 comments:
Maybe it's a seasonal thing? My son went to time out in preschool the other day for pushing kids off the balance beam during tumbling time because he didn't want to wait his turn. Another friend of mine has been having problems with her son too. Hmmm... maybe don't drink the water in Texas? :)
Hang in there, momma. We all have our moments where we are not proud of how we acted. And we have to understand that these are toddlers and while we'd like to think we can control or manipulate their behavior all the time, we just can't. :( Unfortunately. I can tell you I have had my share of "toddla drama" moments this week where I just FREAKED out. Like, literally freaked. Screaming b/c I couldn't take the crying anymore. Yikes. And then 2 weeks ago, Quinn went through a phase where she liked to hit me, not anyone else, but me. And she slapped me right in the face at Little Gym, in front of God and 10 other moms. At that moment, I felt just like you - being judged at how I would react or how my child was acting. I ended up yanking her out of class and taking her outside - which she just thought was fun and waved at the cars. Sigh. So I've been there. I don't know if that helps, but there's another mom in Houston feeling your pain.
We used to run around in circles the whole time @ Kindermusik. I thought it was such a waste of our time, but they would come home and do all the songs! Our teacher assured us that her son did the same thing and loved it even though it didn't appear like it.
Kids are impulsive. Luke could be really excited. There are lots of external stimulations going on in music class-music, instruments, singing, lots of kids ect. He could be getting so excited that he doesn't know how to express his excitement other than getting it out through a tackle. When we don't have language for things, we act out to express ourselves. Crying, screaming, kicking, laughing, pushing. He's also at the right age to being to understand and explore cause and effect. If I push him, what will happen?
And he's at the ripe age to really explore his independence. Two WAS SO HARD for us. Lots of no way, mama; hitting; throwing; ect. We learned all about time-outs and spanks. I will say 3 and 4 have been much easier because we stuck it out with the consequences that we felt were appropriate for 2 little 2 yrs olds.
And for the mom guilt-everyone in that room has been there and will be there in that spot tomorrow. You hold your head high that you cared enough to make consequences and follow through. So many parents do not. And that makes school very so sad. ;)
You are a great mom! And your boys are blessed to have you!
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