1. Sleep. Starting in the fall, Ben started having trouble going to bed at night. I did everything I could think of to try to help him -- read more books, sit by his crib and sing to him, let him cry and try to work it out himself. I figure it was a phase and that within a few weeks, we would be back to normal sleep and all would be well. But it is over four months later since that started, and we are at a very different place than I thought we would be.
Ben has dropped his nap for the most part. I am shocked by this because Luke dropped his nap at three years old, and I felt like he was one of the early ones. So for Ben to be dropping his nap at just over two years old, I thought it just couldn't be. I even talked to the pediatrician to make sure this was even safe and that it wasn't an indication of something going on (which she said it is ok). If he gets any type of nap -- even 30 minutes -- Ben is up until 9:00 or 10:00 at night. If he doesn't nap, it still takes him till about 8:00 or 8:30 to go to bed. The boy just rarely acts tired.
For awhile I would fight it and try to think of ways or reasons as to why this was going on. But ever since I started accepting it and making this our new normal, it is getting much better. Even with no nap, he needs the door open, the hall light on and even sometimes needs to be rocked to bed. The silver lining is that he is his best self at night. He is happy, sweet and sometimes downright silly. Some of his most precious moments have been in the late hours of the night. So I try to cherish those...trying to forget about what I thought was 'normal' for his age and realize this is Ben and that is okay too. And that karma is real...I wasn't much of a sleeper myself as a child.
2. Being a little brother is hard and wonderful. I struggle finding the words to describe the relationship between Ben and Luke.
On one hand it is hard -- two boys very close in age. There are lots of fights, competitions and struggles. Ben has a hard time when he can't keep up with Luke. Luke is at the age where he is experimenting with calling names, leaves him behind or plays games when his friends are around like pretending Ben is the 'monster' and run away. Ben gets his feelings hurt a lot. I can see Luke say one small thing and Ben's little heart breaks in two. I worry about his little heart often. Luke struggles when I need to praise Ben. When I tell Ben how proud I am of him, Luke will shy away and tell me with tears in his eyes, "You aren't proud of me". I am proud of both of them. If they only knew the size and depth of my heart.
On the other hand it is amazing -- two boys that are true playmates that have a remarkable connection. There are times when they play together for an hour or two straight and I don't have to do one thing. I get to sit and hear their giggles and their conversations. I get to see Ben start crying because he hurt himself and Luke ask 'where does it hurt?' and then kiss Ben's toe. It makes my heart feel like it is truly going to burst. Ben is doing so much more than Luke did at his age because he has the best teacher -- his brother. He has a constant role model and just wants Luke to love him and include him which Luke does often. They are friends -- true friends -- and it makes the fights seem so small and insignificant.
They need so much from me and usually at the same time. But they also need so much from each other. And that is becoming more and more the norm. Never did I realize the impact a sibling would play on the second born when I got pregnant almost three years ago. Sometimes I wonder how much of Ben's personality comes from being Luke's little brother. I imagine a lot, but I just don't know where that line begins or ends. So we forge ahead and try to make special times with Ben, so he knows how to be just Ben.
3. For the love of babies. Ben loves babies. Like really loves them. I noticed he would play with baby dolls whenever we were at friend's houses that had girls. He has to point out the mama and the baby in every book we read and always asks "Where is baby?" if a book doesn't have them in a pair. And then my sister had her baby boy Jack. Whenever we are with them, he immediately says "I hold em" when he sees Jack. He will pat him with his chubby hand and look him over from head to toe with the sweetest smile. He is sweet and so loving and incredibly gentle for being such a big toddler. I love watching him love Jack (and I think Jack is pretty fond of him too!).
I love that Ben gets the opportunity to be 'the big boy' around his cousin Jack. Ben is always the youngest in our family -- his brother Luke and then Molly. But with Jack, Ben gets to be the older one and I think that is so good for him. What an nurturing side he has.
4. Remembering that Ben needs his own experiences. Today I brought Ben to his first Little Gym class. He is two years and 1 month old. Luke was in music, Little Gym and swim by 12 months old. Ben gets to experience all sorts of things that Luke didn't get to at his age due to having an older brother. He gets to go to fabulous birthday parties and do gymnastics and bounce houses, he gets to go to the park all the time and soccer practice. But he wasn't doing some of the one-on-one things with me that I did with Luke out of pure logistics. But they are getting older, so that is changing!
We started class today and he did well. At first he did not like it -- he started bawling when we were just sitting in a circle introducing ourselves. Cue mommy guilt! Clearly he feels most secure when his big brother is around. Which makes me happy on one hand. But he also needs to feel good and confident on his own. So I am so excited we are starting this new chapter.
I am also considering putting him in soccer starting in March. He has watched from the sidelines for almost a year now, so I hope he is ready! But I can't help laugh thinking of a coach with lots of two year olds running around. How the heck is that going to work?!?!
Good gracious, I love my 40 pounder (yes, he is really 40 pounds)! He is absolutely huge and the funniest little guy I know. I seriously think he could have his own reality show. And I just love that spice added to our family. Two years old is quite a wild ride...
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